Having Children

Date: 2010.04.19 | Category: Bible Study, MFM | Response: 0

Deciding to have a child or children is a sacred decision.  (at first, I had a typo which said “scared” decision. And the decision should somewhat scare you.)   Our society provides many options on the continuum of having children. I’ll briefly discuss a few of the ways we try to control the process of having children.

Natural method:  without going into alot of details, the natural method would be what the Israelites used.  The man and woman come together only at certain points in the woman’s cycle thereby naturally increasing or decreasing fertility. This method works if you want to have several children and if you are predictable in your cycle.

Medication:  Modern medicine has provided pills for everything from headaches to…  well you know… Women can choose to take birth control pills, morning-after pills, and even fertility enhancing drugs.  Once pregnant, a woman now may take  medication that can start or stop labor, control nausea, etc.

Surgery: IVF, D&C, and tubal ligation are just a few of the ways we try to control reproduction.

Some of these reproductive technologies are great. Some of them are not. Some of them are in line with the Bible, and clearly some of them fly in the face of everything that is right.  I don’t have time to regurgitate what others have written and researched.  If you’re looking for a thought-provoking discussion on bioethics and other women’s health issues, I’ll refer you to Sarah Flashing. I wish I could take the time today to compose a compelling piece on this very complicated topic.  I’m sure I’ll return to this topic eventually.

In the mean time, Here are some self-evaluation questions:

1. Do you see children as a blessing from the Lord? or are they inconvenient?

2. Do you trust God with the timing of having children? Or do you want to schedule your family growth?

3.What are your biggest fears concerning children?

Questions not to ask:

1. Am I ready for children?  I’ll answer that one: NO you are not. Parenting is a sacred adventure for which we are never completely ready.  We may believe we have arrived on a higher plane of spirituality and thus are ready for children, but find out once they are born there is an entire “closet of skeletons” to deal with– your own sinful depravity runs deeper than you know. We are sinful people giving birth to sinners and God uses the process of parenting to refine our character like a silversmith refines precious metal.  Read Sacred Parenting for more on this line of thought.

2. What if I have twins? I’ll answer that one: You’ll be extremely busy.  If you’re already busy, then you’ll re-align your priorities and learn to delegate.  While the incidence of twins is on the rise, several factors contribute to having twins. Maternal age (extremes on both ends). Number of pregnancies (completed or not). Family history. Medical intervention.  All of these play into the gamble of having or not having twins.  But the real reason people have twins is that God is the author of life, and sometimes he gives a double blessing.   God wants us to fully rely on him no matter how many children we have at one time. Don’t avoid having a baby just because you’re afraid of having twins.  Go back to the questions above, and think about your fears. Then commit the whole matter to God through prayer.

3. Can I afford children?  Don’t ask this.  You can’t afford it.  You’ll have to make sacrifices. Whether it’s staying home, not going to the theater, cancelling cable, refusing to get a manicure/pedicure at the spa, choosing to eat at home, going to the library instead of buying or renting, emailing long lost friends for a free vacation at their house, growing your own food, or biking instead of driving, you will have to make sacrifices–Lots of them–Daily,Weekly, for the rest of your life.  God will challenge us to sacrifice everything near and dear to us in order to deepen our relationship with Him.

It’s been how long?

Date: 2010.04.17 | Category: personal | Response: 0

It’s been 2 weeks, and I need to blog. At this minute I have nothing to say. Except 2 things.

1. If you “were” registered on this blog, unless you are Isaac or Dawn, You are NOT registered now. Rob deleted everyone, somewhat accidentally. It was a failed communique on my part. So , sorry, please re-register.

2. We are possibly transferring servers / webhosters. This is why I am reluctant to blog. We need to transfer the blog to the new host and for whatever reason, we’re having some technical difficulties. Maybe I will just blog in spite of this and hope that none of my recent posts get lost in the transfer.

Pea Cheese Salad

Date: 2010.03.25 | Category: Recipe | Response: 0

Pea Cheese salad, from Better Homes and Garden cookbook *, page345.

10 oz pkg frozen peas

1 c cubed cheddar cheese

2 hard cooked eggs, chopped

¼ c celery chopped

1-2 tsp chopped onion

2 tbsp diced pimento or sweet red pepper

1/3 c mayo

¼ tsp salt

1/8 tsp pepper

Optional garnish: lettuce leaves, 6 medium tomato “bowls”

Cook frozen peas according to pkg directions. If desired cook in chicken broth for enhanced flavor. Thoroughly drain and cool.

In large bowl, combine peas, cheese cubes, hard-cooked eggs, celery, onion, and pimiento or sweet red pepper. Stir in mayo, salt and pepper, toss to mix. Cover and chill 4-24 hrs. Stir well. If desired serve in tomato bowls on top of lettuce leaves.

*I have no idea what year this book is. The copyright page fell out! The “red and white checked” cookbook is my go-to cookbook for delicious, easy, standard recipes.

Where is my cart and where is my horse?

Date: 2010.03.23 | Category: Bible Study, personal | Response: 0

A man makes his plans but the Lord orders his steps

Go to now you who say, we’ll go here and there and make a profit.

Some of my readers know I am considering re-entering the work force.  At this writing I do not feel I should give any more details than that. but let me tell you, I’m having a hard time with the whole horse/cart thing.

The saying goes, “Don’t get the cart before the horse.”  It’s difficult for me to remain in the waiting loop with regard to this potential job, especially since it initially seems that the Lord is thrusting me into this position.  I’ve lost sleep over this — anticipating my first day on the job and all the wonderful phone calls I’ll be making, how each day will unfold, how everything and everyone will grow and change.  I feel I am ready yet simultaneously I know I will never be ready to accept a job of this magnitude.  I am like a horse — with no cart attached — raring to go full bore to the finish line.  I am Seabiscuit, electric with anticipation of the race.  Yet, I know I cannot win this race alone. I need to be less like Seabiscuit and more like Black Beauty, the cab horse.  I need to submit to the driver, and have a cab, coach or cart attached.  Otherwise, I’ll have no business.  I need to have the right driver or I’ll be crushed near to death from the load that I’ll carry.

So, I’m spending this night in prayer.  I used to wonder how in the world Jesus could pray all night, or why he would want to.  I’m catching a glimpse of possible reasons.  I have my plans but I want to leave those in the Hand of God for His divine purpose to order and establish.

The Blessing: Hit or Miss

Date: 2010.03.08 | Category: Bible Study, MFM | Response: 0

I’ve been reading The Blessing .  See theblessing.com for more information on the book. The first 15 chapters of the book focus on defining the blessing and how to impact those around us with the blessing.

But giving a blessing can be hit or miss. Our next chapter will talk about how people miss the blessing from their parents. In the movie Barbie presents Thumbelina, Makena is the classic example of a girl who is seeking the approval and blessing of everyone around her and mostly missing it.  Makena’s parents are so busy working their careers that they have little time for their daughter, although they tout, “Anything for you dear, just ask.”   The scenario proves that showering a child with gifts and satisfying every whim won’t make up for blessing the child with a unique message for a special future.  Because her parents aren’t meeting those deep needs, Makena seeks approval from her peers using any means of manipulation to win.  The fierce battleground of junior high girl popularity brings out the worst in her spoiled peers and is the crucible that reveals Makena’s true character.

In our discussion, we’ve been talking about how to bless our children.  But it’s not just our children who need affirmation. God puts people in our path all the time who need a blessing from Him through us.  At the beginning of the movie, a series of unfortunate events result in Thumbelina and her friends getting transported to Makena’s apartment.  This relocation forces Thumbelina to make friends with someone she would never have spoken with otherwise.

Thumbelina challenges Makena’s notion of friendship and blesses her by saying, “I’m glad we are friends.”  Thumbelina can see that Makena is at a crossroads and needs a higher purpose for her life than one-upping her peers.  Thumbelina’s simple blessing affirming their friendship transforms Makena from a self-seeking spoiled brat to a young woman who has a purpose that reaches beyond her four walls.

Psalm 67 reads,

” ¹ May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face shine upon us,
Selah

² that your ways may be known on earth,
your salvation among all nations.

³ May the peoples praise you, O God;
may all the peoples praise you.

⁴ May the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you rule the peoples justly
and guide the nations of the earth.
Selah

⁵ May the peoples praise you, O God;
may all the peoples praise you.

⁶ Then the land will yield its harvest,
and God, our God, will bless us.

⁷ God will bless us,
and all the ends of the earth will fear him.”

When we bless that person that God has put into our life, they in turn can bless others.  Ultimately, we seek the blessing so that God may be glorified, not just so that we feel good.   Who has God put into my life for the purpose of blessing so that s/he can glorify God?  Let me not miss the opportunity to bless others. May God give me the words that hit deep in the spirit so that He can begin the transforming work of sanctification.

Spring Science Project

Date: 2010.03.01 | Category: Preschool, Twins, garden | Response: 0

Dominick’s had their 10 ct Daffodil bouquets for $1.79.  I love to have inexpensive fresh flowers on my table, so I bought 2.  The radiant yellow brightens the home, trumpeting “Spring has come” even when outside quietly sleeps under its cold white blanket.  In typical Soukup fashion, the bouquet evoked a science lesson.  Alexis wanted to know definitively what all the flower parts were called.  “Petal” would not do.  Follow this link for a 5-10 minute hands-on science lesson which only requires a daffodil and a pair of scissors.

The Question

Date: 2010.02.25 | Category: Twins | Response: 0

Rachel asked me The Question yesterday in the car on the way to swim lessons.

R: Mom, when I’m old enough, how will a baby get into my tummy? Will it just appear there?

Me: (deep breathing. Thinking… Don’t panic. Let’s see, ask her a question back. Socratic method. Do what Jesus did)
Me: Well what do you think? What could the options be?

R: I don’t know. I think they just appear there.
A: no… The doctor puts the baby in there.
R: No they don’t!
A: Yes they do!
me: Well, actually sometimes the doctor will put the baby in.  Sometimes the doctor gives the mommy medicine so she can have a baby.  Sometimes the mommy has trouble getting pregnant and the doctor has to do a couple of operations to put the baby in there.

Next thing I know, we’ve driven another block and we’re talking about funerals. And all the funerals they will attend.  Including mine.  We covered pretty much the entire life cycle of humans in the 10 minute drive to swim lessons.  Conception, birth, live life, get married, have babies, become grandparents, and then go to funerals.

I was never so glad to drive into the Y Parking Lot.

The Blessing: MFM

Date: 2010.02.20 | Category: Bible Study, MFM, Twins | Response: 0

I know today is Saturday, but I’m inspired to write Monday’s post early.

Most of the ladies in my small group in MOPS have been reading The Blessing.  This book provides an interesting perspective on the blessing that Isaac pronounces over his twins.  (Genesis 27)  The book breaks down the speech to reveal five basic elements of the blessing and the conversations that have come out of this book study has been very insightful and wonderful.  For more information, click here.

I think I have a unique perspective to bring to the group because I, like Isaac, have twins.  When Rob and I brought the girls home from the hospital, we had no clue.  We knew a lot about the Bible and about parenting, but we really had no clue.  It is difficult sometimes to see past the immediate and into the future.   Babies are floppy when they are first born and it’s hard to hold and snuggle two of them at once, and feed them both simultaneously with a syringe.  So, Rob took one and I took one.  We sort of “assigned” a baby to each parent.  And to this day, the child assigned to me in the beginning is more easily comforted by me than by Rob.

So when you look at the family dynamics and start to analyze Isaac & Rebecca’s parenting style, think about how in the world they would’ve dealt with two babies in a tent, trying to keep all those goats from nibbling their fingers. It’s no wonder to me that Isaac’s favorite was Esau and Rebecca’s favorite was Jacob.  What could’ve started off as a matter of survival and sanity probably ended up with one parent having a stronger relationship with one child over the other.

And for the matter of Jacob stealing the blessing….  Yes, it was deceptive. and Yes, Rebecca acted unsubmissively.  Yet I can understand that there is no “older” and no “younger” when you talk about twins.  Mine were born on the same day, five minutes apart.  Five minutes.  That’s about how long you sit at a stop light, or spend putting on your make up.  Five Minutes.  My twins are the same age, and I don’t think of one being “older” even though one came out first.  So I can understand why Rebecca would want “her baby” to get “the” blessing.  She probably saw Esau and Jacob as equals, with God’s prophecy looming in the back of her mind. I’m sure she questioned why they couldn’t just have simultaneous equal blessings — after all, probably every single other thing the boys had ever experienced had been done together.

Part of The Blessing is “picturing a special future.”  This is difficult to do, especially at the age the girls are now.  One day they are obsessed with germs, medicine, and body systems, and diagnose their stuffed animals.  “You are going to be a wonderful nurse or vet when you grow up.”  Next day, they show mothering instincts.  Next day, they crank out several pictures — and the detail and use of color is that of a high-schooler.  “One day I’m going to the Chicago Art Museum and I’m going to see your work hanging in the gallery.”  Next day, they are wonderful helpers with housework and cooking, diligently honing their wife skills.

How do I picture a special future for them when they seem to have “the Midas Touch”?  And how do I give them a special future, when everything they do is together? How do I let them diversify into a unique person without slighting one over the other?  How do I direct them, develop them, disciple them, and educate them both?  How do I affirm one, without ignoring the other?

I hear Esau’s cry: “Father, is there no blessing left for me? What about me?  Am I blessed too?”  I don’t want to bless the second born lavishly with a well thought out speech, only to be coerced into blessing the first born with some off-the-cuff positive affirmation.  Did Isaac feel this way when Esau brought in the prepared meat?  We know he did.

I want to bless my girls, and build them up, not to tear them down and discourage them with negative self-fulfilling prophecies.  I want to give each of them a special vision for their future, of what they could be of what they could do and how God might use them for His kingdom.

This vision is the blessing.

Marriage and Family

Date: 2010.02.10 | Category: MFM | Response: 0

My actual marriage and family are keeping me busy, and so I have little time for blogging. The past couple of Mondays have been family day, or daddy/daughter Date Day and so I’ve not had time to spend writing philosophical expose’s on life.

I am reading “Sacred Parenting” by Gary Thomas. It’s about how parenting changes us and how parenting isn’t so much about raising a well-to-do, well-adjusted child as it is about glorifying God. The book has been a welcome paradigm shift for me.

Put it on your “must read” list.

Bad Days Come and Go

Date: 2010.01.27 | Category: Gerneral, Twins | Response: 0

My tag line is “great stories, obvious advice, interesting thoughts. “  Now this post isn’t great or interesting but it’s obvious:  Bad days come and go.

Yesterday I had a bad day.  I woke up and heard some conversation between the girls and I thought, Oh this is going to be a great day.  I relished the moment.  And then, everything went “south.”  Not that the South is bad.  Maybe I should say everything went “north.” At any rate, everything whirled around to the polar opposite in a New York Second.

What had been a 12 second  joyful exchange turned into a twelve hour session of bickering, fighting, and yelling STOP  marathon day.  Mid Day we escaped to the library, and even that wasn’t a distraction that was long enough to overcome the sour mood.  I tried to imagine a way for myself to escape and I couldn’t see a way out.   Everything I tried with the girls only continued the downward spiral.  Unfortunately, I got snagged into the undercurrent in my attempt to rescue them.  So the whole day progressed poorly. Food, naps, music, chores, scolding, correcting, admonishing, encouraging, candy, all were in vain.

Today however is a new day.  Today is so good in fact that the bitter cold temperatures seem to have no effect on anyone’s mood.  yesterday was bad, and it is history.  The bad day came and went and didn’t linger like the storm that caused Noah’s flood.   I’m not re-hashing all the badness of yesterday.  It’s over and done with.  I prayed over today and asked others to do the same for me.  Today is a new day — one of positive interaction, playing games, Dressing Barbi dolls, completed school work, and ballet.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it’s called The Present.

Thank you Lord for this gift of today.