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Marriage and Family Monday: Sheep
In college I decided I was going to collect something, and I decided to collect sheep. When I think about sheep, I conjure up this image of dozens of woolly animals headed in a single direction — toward pasture. However, from what I’ve heard and read, I know that sheep don’t naturally head through gates. They have to be trained and herded through the gate and they have to be trained in what to eat. They bond with their shepherd and if they somehow get separated from the shepherd then they are in deep trouble.
Isaiah 53: 6 “All we, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way.” Unless we listen to the Shepherd, we’re going to get into deep trouble.
I’m no farmer and no shepherd, but I do know that children are like lambs: easily led astray and wandering about looking for direction yet simultaneoulsy refusing any direction they might receive.
When you look at a child, or a set of children, and see that they are “so well behaved,” you have to know that the parents have been working their butts off from the beginning. Raising wonderful children isn’t like stirring up a bowl of Jello Instant Pudding. It takes way more than five minutes. I knew from the time the twins were born that I had given birth to a couple of potentially rotten kids — because I knew they were included in the “all” of Isaiah 53:6 and Romans 3:23. The twins are sinners. So I waited for that sin nature to manifest itself. Everything I did early on and everything I do today is training them — either toward rottenness or toward righteousness. I’ve tried to be merciful and gracious and yet not make excuses for their behavior. Mostly, I’ve tried to be consistent.
Having clear expectations and definitions promotes consistency. “Obedience is doing what you are told, when you are told.” If I say, “Set the table,” and the girls keep playing, then they are not obeying. They aren’t doing “what they were told when they were told.” It sounds so condescending to explain it so simply. Yet I find myself repeating, “Set the table.”
The other half of consistency is having consequences. Sit down with your spouse, come up with the family rules, and write them down with consequences. If you disobey, defy, or show disrespect, I will redirect you. I will discipline you. I will put your toy in time out. I will put you in time out. I will ask you to rephrase or do-over. I will bring you home. It helps both parent and child to know ahead of time what will happen when something goes wrong. When it’s written down, then the parents can refer to the list of rules/consequences and say, “Oh, Ok, I’m supposed to put you in time out for that, so off you go. I’ll set the timer.” It’s even more powerful when the spouse who is away at work all day can come home and reinforce the same rules without questioning the consequences. Having a united front is “oh-so-important.”
If you ignore the violation, you’re training that little lamb to ignore your voice and to listen to whatever voice s/he wants to follow. Start now to train your children to hear that One Voice you want them to follow.