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MFM: Starting Right
I’m sitting down to write this Very First Post, and I want to start off the series “right”. I want to know what I’m going to write about for the next year and I want it to be logical. But I’m not necessarily logical when I write. I am the one for whom the original “Cut and Paste” feature in Word Perfect 4.0 for DOS was created. You see, when I write, I often end up needing to re-arrange my thoughts so that they flow logically from one to another. I’m so glad that I was born in the era that computers completely made typewriters obsolete. Otherwise, I’d be forever using scissors and tape to re-arrange my paragraphs and even my sentences.
Just as I want to “start this series of posts off on the right foot”, you are going to want to start your marriage, your family, and your child-rearing adventures off on the right path.
First of all, I want to remind you that you started a family when you married your spouse. Having a child in the mix doesn’t make you a family. Saying “I do” makes a family. There are “about a million” books on marriage and family. I’m not going to write another one, so hear me out. A family begins with love between two people — hopefully a love centered on God. The amazing mysterious aura of love between two people grows deeper every day as they individually focus on God and communicate with Him and with each other. When God brings a man and a woman together, a new family is started. Start now to build up and strengthen your family.
One way to invest in your family is The Date Night. As you bring children into the world, no matter how many there are and no matter how many pets they each end up with, and no matter how many jobs you have to hold down to make ends meet, it is important to continue to invest in your spouse. It can happen so quickly, this deterioration of the spousal relationship. Pretty soon, you look across the room and wonder how your room-mate is doing. Set aside money in your budget and time on the calendar to “go out.” Set up a babysitting trade-0ff with a neighbor, or move closer to your mother. Ask your boss for the night off a month or two in advance, and make plans, clip the coupons, find the gift card, or the date night will never happen. Once children arrive in the family, going out gets more complicated, expensive, and tiresome. BUT, Your children need to see Momma and Daddy leaving together for a couple of hours to be in love alone together. That kind of spousal investment in front of the kids pays out richly with happy, secure children. Rob and I have been married for 12.5 years at the time of this writing, and we have had a monthly -ish date night — consistently. Sure, we’ve missed a couple of months here and there and sometimes we’ve stayed in, but the priority of spending time together has not changed. If you find that you and your spouse are busy in ministry or with work or school events every single night of the week, it’s time to re-evaluate and work together to find 2-3 nights per week to be at home and one night per month-ish for your Date.
Dates don’t have to be expensive. Here’s a list of a few of our favorites.
- build a fire and sip hot beverages while you talk.
- pick out a movie your spouse would like way more than you would.
- prepare a fancy dinner — use your “good dishes” and eat by candle light.
- string Christmas lights around to set a mood.
- Eat in a different room.
- buy some lotion. I think you know what to do with that.
- take a walk through the park.
- go to the flower shop/greenhouse. Don’t buy anything.
- Photo date.
- scavenger hunt.
- The errand date.