-
New Celebrity Diet! Heather Soukup’s Diet Actually Sheds Pounds
Keep reading for a weight loss plan that actually works
Are you tired of feeling bloated? Tired? Do you like the way you look? Then try at your own risk the following diet — tested and proven successful by celebrity Heather Soukup.
1. Make a list of all the things you ought to be doing. Don’t list the normal daily routines of showering, eating, drinking, personal hygiene, etc., unless you are depressed and need to be reminded to do these basic things.
2. Get busy doing those things. Stay very busy. In addition to the regular work that you do, Spend hours on facebook, typing up blogs, taking digital photos of the children and your best friends. But don’t keep a glass of anything to drink nearby. Don’t rest when the kids rest. Just keep going. Be the Energizer Bunny.
3. Get really tired at night. But stay up a little later than you should. EVERY NIGHT.
4. Eat a big dinner and then snack after the kids go to bed.
5. With these steps in place, you may see an initial weight gain. Just be patient, and stay on the path. Heather’s Celebrity Diet will work.
6. Eventually you will get sick. If your sickness is respiratory in nature, then self medicate and continue with steps 1-5 until flu like symptoms appear. Once the flu-like symptoms are full blown, you may ignore the sickness as much as you can for 5 days, but no more. Hopefully by this point you will be dangerously ill, almost dehydrated. Your body should be shedding the pounds for you — as you desperately try to regain control of your whacked out body. You may begin to drink some water or some decaff tea because nothing else will stay down. This is the painful part of the diet. But remember, Beauty knows no pain. You may eat one-half saltine cracker at the beginning of every hour. If your body isn’t purging automatically, you can take a whiff of your pantry where all sorts of smells are conglomerated and that may send you over the edge. (beware of the onset of bulimia.)
7. On day 5 of your illness, drag yourself to the doctor. Act innocent. describe your symptoms of fever, chills, vomiting, etc. The doctor will treat you for a UTI. You will begin to feel better. You will continue to improve your health by drinking mass quantities of cranberry juice and water. No more tea. No more sugar.
8. Your new menu will be banana, rice, applesauce, toast. If you return to the world of normal food (hamburgers, pizza, spinach dip, chips) then you will most likely end up repeating steps 6-7. By now you should see your clothes fitting differently — looser.
9. Because you’ve not been able to eat for a while, your stomach has shrunk, supposedly. You must allow it to continue to do so. When you eat the banana — Give half to two-thirds of it to your children or friends. You will find that you are satisfied with less. Don’t keep eating just because you like the taste of the food. That’s part of what got you fat in the first place. Just eat barely enough to stay alive and avoid headaches.
10 Finally , drink your water.
Post written March 17, 2009 after nearly dying from using above method of dieting. Use this and any other diet only under the supervision of a physician. Heather is not responsible for your diet results, as results are not guaranteed and may vary from person to person.