Archive for July, 2007

• Pre-Occupation

  Date: 2007.07.31 | Category: Bible Study | Response: 0

  “You are loved with an everlasting love, and underneath are the everlasting arms.”
  That’s a compilation of 2 scripture verses and a famous quote from one of my mentors, Elisabeth Elliot. “You are loved with an everlasting love, and underneath are the everlasting arms.”

  No matter how desperate your life may seem, No matter how rejected you may feel, or lonely, God still loves you. God is here right now in this place and He loves you with an everlasting eternal unconditional love. It’s hard to find that kind of love. We often don’t even love ourselves like that. We are too pre-occupied with ourselves and all our flaws to love ourselves like that.

  In this matter of pre-occupation, I am pathetic. Truly I am. I am always wondering if my butt’s too big, if anyone mistakes my coming for the arrival of a thunderstorm (you know the crashing of old thunder-thighs) and what if something falls and lands on my “shelf”?! Will anyone see the real me when they look at me– or will they be distracted by a stray hair, lack of mascara, bad breath, scaly legs, old feet, wrinkled shirt, baby drool on my pants….*Sigh* In fact, I have come along way since I was in jr high – having the score card mentality.

  In the game of Putt-Putt Mini Golf, the score card keeps track of your strokes for each hole, and ultimately how good you are at the game. I often have to put down a number greater than 5. – I stink at this game! I’m always relieved when we choose not to keep score.

  Some of us, in the game of life, carry around a “Human beauty scorecard” – it’s all in the mind. We look at ourselves in the mirror, and we give ourselves a bad score on clear skin because we woke up with a zit that day. Or our hair is all wrong. We are pre-occupied with the things we feel are bad about our looks {teeth, zits, hair (frizzy or too straight), muscles, chest size, thunder thighs}. When I was your age, I really had a serious relationship with the score card.

  Autumn was prettier; Kelly was a model; Adrienne was more athletic; Julie was smarter (or at least a better test taker); David was a better artist; Stacy and Layne more musical. I excelled in the comparison game BUT always came up a big Loser.

  How are you doing with the scorecard? Does it come out every morning? Do keep checking yourself against society’s standards all day long?

  What if we could throw away the score card? What if we weren’t so worried about counting points… but instead knew that we were a perfect 10?

  So today’s lesson is all about Contentment with who God created you to be.

  In our text Mirror Mirror, Kendall writes a story about some ducks. Read it on page 91-92. Ducks are happy being ducks. they aren’t wishing they were swans. Often we are pre-occupied with wishing we were someone else, could look like them, or live their life.

  **If you possessed the power to change anything about the way you look, Would you use that power? Would you like to have thinner legs, flatter tummy, naturally curly hair, fewer freckles, smaller feet, be taller (or shorter)?Most people would say “yes.”

  As I was reading and preparing for this class, I pulled out an old devotional my mom gave me in jr hi. The title is If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open? By Lorraine Peterson. That title question isn’t merely about lockers, and how to open it and still stay loved by God. It’s the question that covers a multitude of problems we face. Peterson has an entire section on self-image, and much of my lesson is taken from her text. Pg. 84-92 It’s available on amazon.com.

  The problem with worrying about the way we look, how we come across, if “she’s mad at me”– is that we are spending too much time thinking about ourselves.

  Self consciousness is thinking about your self. A lot. All the time. Replace self consciousness with Christ consciousness. Who are you living for?

  I would dare to say that most of you would claim to be living for Jesus Christ. But if we are always constantly worrying about what everyone else thinks about us, then we haven’t completely let go of ourselves and Let Christ be our focus, the love our our life, our idol.

  In this world that demands a “perfect 10” out of us all the time, we must remember that we have inherited everything that is true about Jesus Christ. God made you just the way you are so that you could best reflect His beauty. A problem with wanting to remake yourself is that you’re actually telling God that he did a bad job. You don’t like to be criticized on your work, so don’t treat God that way. Decide who is going to be important to you and who is going to shape your image of yourself. Society and the media constantly remind me of how I’m lacking. My score card has all the wrong numbers on it.

  But God looks at me and says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love, and underneath are My everlasting arms.”

  How does this attitude and “new found security in Christ” show in everyday life?

  Number one area is in Puberty changes – whether you are an early bloomer or a late bloomer.

  The stereotypical general attitude about puberty is that it’s good for guys but bad for girls. Let me explain.

  Girls = bad (staying small is good, big is bad). Boys = good (be stronger, weigh more, etc)

  Ever wish you could be a guy? So you could accomplish certain things better or easier (like lifting), and avoid certain other things (like Aunt Flo), or not have to worry about your figure! Why is that? What is it about yourself and your body and your femininity that you are rejecting?

  What if instead of obsessing about how bad our life is, what if we turned to the One who made us? Ecc 3.11 everything beautiful. What if we threw out the score card and actually enjoyed the game?

  But what if the score card keeps coming back? What if it’s something we can’t get away from? What if the scorecard life keeps control over us?

  There can be some traumatic results. I only want to talk about one result.

  Cutting – it’s a centuries old problem
  Check out these passages from the Bible. Lev 19.28, 21.5, Deut 14.1, 1Kings 18.28, Mark 5.1-5.

  In Mark 5.1-5, a man with an unclean evil spirit, who lived in the tombs, cut with rocks. Cry out day/night. Cutting is clearly not a good thing. It’s a symptom of a greater problem and cutting is a way to cope through it. The “greater problem” might be Depression, Low self esteem, Believing no one cares about you, difficult family situations, painful loneliness, death of a loved one, believing you’ll never be good enough, even guilt.

  Some turn to cutting as a way to appease their conscience because they feel guilty about something wrong they’ve done, some sin they’ve committed. It’s Christ’s blood that covers sin, not ours. For some, the physical pain dulls or masks over the emotional pain they are feeling.

  How you deal with a friend who is cutting? Remain calm; get help. Don’t act shocked or disgusted. Try to obtain in confidence, what the source of the pain is. Show empathy, understanding, nurturing, and optimism.

  If you are a cutter, then please be accountable to someone you can trust. Get some help so you can be healed of the deep pain you feel.

  Know this: You are a Masterpiece.

  Read Psalm 139. Nothing that we say or do is hidden from God. He knew us before we were born. In his sovereign grace he looked down through all eternity future and said “I love you. I created you for this very time, for this very moment, for this very day and age”

  There is no place on earth we can escape His love for us or His plan for us. I praise Him because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
  

  Final prayer: “Know my heart O God and purify my anxious self-conscious thoughts. Lead me in the way everlasting. Lead me by your everlasting love.”
  Sandi Patti, a Christian artist that grew in popularity with me in the early 1990s, sang a song entitled “You are a Masterpiece” The lyrics (as found on-line) are below:

  Before you had a name or opened up your eyes,
  Or anyone could recognize your face.
  You were being formed so delicate in size
  Secluded in God’s safe and hidden place.
  With your tiny hands and
  Little tiny feet
  And little eyes that shimmer like a pearl.
  He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
  He brought the masterpiece into the world.
  You are a masterpiece….
  And now you’re growing up your
  Life’s a miracle
  Every time I look at you,
  I stand in awe….

  You are a Masterpiece
  A new creation He has formed
  And you’re as soft and fresh
  As a snowy winter’s morn
  And I’m so glad that God has given you to me
  Little Lamb of God
  You are a Masterpiece

• Mixed Messages

  Date: 2007.07.24 | Category: Bible Study | Response: 0

  We receive them all the time and even unknowingly communicate them ourselves. It’s what I’ll call a mixed message. For example, “Love your body, but change everything about it.” “Be skinny but not too skinny.” “Be smart but not too smart.”

  Let’s say we are born eagles. According to enature.com the bald eagle can have a wingspan of 6-7.5 feet (72-85inches) and a body size of 35″. Now look at the canary. They live in wire cages. Their wingspan is at most 9 inches. Society sometimes tells us don’t be an eagle, be a canary. Don’t soar, you might hurt someone. Clip your wings and act like a canary. How frustrating it would be for an eagle to try to be a canary! How is an eagle supposed to fit in the world of a canary? It can’t do it and be the creature that God intended.

  Here are a few ways that we try to be a canary instead of an eagle:

  1. There’s a guy we like. We try to interpret what we think he wants and adjust ourselves accordingly. We may not want to be “too good” at something, so we don’t intimidate him. Don’t change who you are. The right guy will fall in love with you, with your exact self — not with some fake conglomerate replication of who you think he wants you to be. Have you ever hidden something you do well because you didn’t want to intimidate guys? Do we clip our eagle’s wings and try to act like a canary, in hopes that the guy will like canaries?
  2. Circle of friends. We act a certain way around our church friends and completely different around our school friends. We may even be tempted to deny our faith in Christ. Do we act like a canary or an eagle?
  3. Leadership. Is it OK for women to be in leadership? How does a good female leader maintain balance when leading a gender-mixed group? Do we remain quiet (act like a canary) when we should be speaking and fulfilling our role?
  4. Aunt Flo. After centuries, women still are unsure whether the monthly visit from Aunt Flo is good or bad. The pain, the mood swings, the bloatedness are clearly bad. The natural internal cleansing that prepares the body for nurturing new life is good. So what is our attitude toward Aunt Flo? Do we act like a canary and wish it would go away, or do we accept the way God created us and soar in our attitude?
  5. Our Body. Is our body a tool to get attention or an enemy? Both attitudes are wrong. Our body is the place where God dwells. Why do we dress one way for a trip to Walmart and completely different for a week at camp? We want to represent Christ well. So why do we have to go buy a one piece or tankini bathing suit for our week at camp? Why do we have a bikini at all? Are we using our bodies to get attention from guys, but then we are disgusted with them for looking at us? Be an eagle. Dress modestly and appropriately.

  Read through page 84-85 and think about how you try to be a canary when you ought to act like an eagle.

• Taco Salad

  Date: 2007.07.19 | Category: Twins | Response: 0

  We were having taco salad. Chips, leafy romaine, chopped tomato, taco meat, chili lime vinaigrette, sour cream, salsa.

  Rob’s putting several small dollops of sour cream all over the top of his salad. Rachel, eating her cheese quesadilla says, “Could I please have some of that diaper cream?”

  I’m laughing, saying, “Rachel honey that’s not diaper cream. What kind of cream is that?”

  Rachel looks lost. Rob says, “sour.” Rachel says, “Sour Cream!”

  Rachel has been obsessed with playing with the diaper cream on the changing table, so it’s obvious why she would confuse the two thick white creams.

• Comparison

  Date: 2007.07.17 | Category: Bible Study | Response: 0

  Comparison. It’s something we all do. It comes naturally. Maybe it’s for our betterment; maybe it’s for our detriment. But however we engage in the comparison game, we have to examine our focus.

  For 3000 years we have been focusing on the same thing: externals. God, for all eternity, has been looking at the same thing: our hearts. We always lose when we focus on externals. But we find true friends when we show our hearts and can see the heart of others.

  The issue with comparison boils down to this: contentment and compassion.
  So let’s talk contentment. Are you happy with yourself? What would you change about yourself? “You have to discipline yourself to stop looking at the 3M’s– men, the mirrors and the magazines,, for a reflection of who you are and instead look — really look into the eyes of God your Master and Creator for a reflection of who you are. That’s when you are going to start getting a clearer picture.” (Jennifer Strickland, former model) Why do we try to look the same when God made us all different? Stop trying to be “her” and start being yourself. Examine these scriptures: Jeremiah 1.5, Isaiah 29.16, Isaiah 45.9, Philippians 4.11, Hebrews 13.5 God created us with a plan in mind. Stop complaining to God about all your physical faults, your emotional weaknesses, and your spiritual shallowness. Start thanking Him for the way He made you. Contentment is learned and Contentment is a command. The command to be content is the positive inverse of the command “do not covet.”

  So if contentment is difficult for you, I am willing to bet that compassion also comes slowly for you. So how do you treat the less intelligent, the less beautiful, the less fortunate, and the less spiritual people? Do you treat with Condemnation or compassion? Condemnation is natural – compassion is supernatural.  Jesus is our example in both condemnation and compassion. John 8.10-11 – Jesus says, “Neither do I condemn you.” Matthew 9: 36 – Jesus has compassion on the harassed and helpless. Condemnation is ultimately self-focused. The motive of criticism is often not to help the other person, but rather to cut to the core of the person. Compassion is outward focused- and results in action. Jesus’ compassion drove him to action. In Matthew 10 we see Him sending the disciples out.

  Think seriously about how your words and your actions reflect self or Christ. How does my life measure up to what God wants? How does my life compare to Jesus Christ’s?

• Friendship and Accountability

  Date: 2007.07.11 | Category: Bible Study | Response: 0

  It’s hard to find a truly good friend. We often feel lonely and misunderstood even though we are surrounded by relationships of all kinds: family, siblings, friends, or even so-called friends.

  The Bible is full of positive examples of friendship: Ruth and Naomi, or David and Jonathan. These pairs of friends show us what real friends do: they stick together, provide encouragement, take initiative, show love, etc. For a more complete study on friendship, take time this next week to examine the following scriptures.

  • Galatians 5:22-23
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:14-22
  • Acts 2:42-47
  • Philippians 2:1-10
  • Galatians 6:1-5

  Accountability is one of those topics that makes people cring. We think that as Americans we have a right to privacy, a right to live our lives however we want, and a right to left alone. However, if you examine Christianity, you will discover that these rights went out the window like a bunch of dirty mop water as soon as you said ‘Yes’ to Christ.

  Accountability is like a stop sign or like one of those yellow diamond signs you see while driving. “The road curves” or “there’s an intersection coming” If you ignore the directional signs, you will crash & burn. We all need a support structure to change.

  If you read any of my other blogs, you will read about my garden. The other night I went to weed (again) and discovered that my tomato plants were out of control. They needed to be staked up. I gently lifted the branches out of the dirt and mud and tied them to the stake previously placed in the ground. I removed the “suckers” and brought the plant up so that I would not lose the fruit. Having a friend hold you accountable is like tying up the tomato plant. If you leave the plant alone, the fruit will rot. If you lift up the branches, you will save the good harvest.

  There is relief in accountability. Being completely honest with a good friend who really cares about you is so freeing. It can help you choose a better path knowing that your friend is going to ask you how things are going. Accountability can help you get out of a bad cycle that you otherwise wouldn’t be able to stop. Accountability helps you overcome the fear of living a lie.

  A cursory glance at the life of Samson should convince you that accountability is necessary. Read Judges 13-16 for the complete story. Samson, the famous strong leader of the people of Israel, needed someone to hold him accountable but he did not seek that out. Ever. He was set apart by God from conception to be a special leader for Israel to deliver the people from the Philistines. Samson’s refusal to come clean with his parents on ‘small’ matters (like where some honey came from) and his inability to keep his emotions at bay caused his own demise in the end. What if someone had held Samson accountable? How would his 20 years as judge of Israel been different? God absolutely used Samson to accomplish His purposes for Israel. How much more would have been accomplished if Samson had only brought himself into accountability?

  Please read the fourth chapter in your Mirror, Mirror book for more thoughts on accountability. Take the friendship quiz. Determine what 2 qualities of friendship that you want to work on this week. Pray and ask God to help you with this change. Write an encouraging note to a friend and mail it. Find an accountability partner today and use page 58 as a guide for excellent accountability questions.