My tag line is “great stories, obvious advice, interesting thoughts. “  Now this post isn’t great or interesting but it’s obvious:  Bad days come and go.

Yesterday I had a bad day.  I woke up and heard some conversation between the girls and I thought, Oh this is going to be a great day.  I relished the moment.  And then, everything went “south.”  Not that the South is bad.  Maybe I should say everything went “north.” At any rate, everything whirled around to the polar opposite in a New York Second.

What had been a 12 second  joyful exchange turned into a twelve hour session of bickering, fighting, and yelling STOP  marathon day.  Mid Day we escaped to the library, and even that wasn’t a distraction that was long enough to overcome the sour mood.  I tried to imagine a way for myself to escape and I couldn’t see a way out.   Everything I tried with the girls only continued the downward spiral.  Unfortunately, I got snagged into the undercurrent in my attempt to rescue them.  So the whole day progressed poorly. Food, naps, music, chores, scolding, correcting, admonishing, encouraging, candy, all were in vain.

Today however is a new day.  Today is so good in fact that the bitter cold temperatures seem to have no effect on anyone’s mood.  yesterday was bad, and it is history.  The bad day came and went and didn’t linger like the storm that caused Noah’s flood.   I’m not re-hashing all the badness of yesterday.  It’s over and done with.  I prayed over today and asked others to do the same for me.  Today is a new day — one of positive interaction, playing games, Dressing Barbi dolls, completed school work, and ballet.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it’s called The Present.

Thank you Lord for this gift of today.

My followers are asking me to write on this topic again.  I’ve put it off because I really don’t like to dwell on the subject of Halloween.  It’s uncomfortable.  I don’t know why Halloween vexes me so, but it does.   Perhaps, I am vexed because I know too much.  Truly, oblivion is bliss.   When you don’t know, you are still accountable, because “ignorance of the law is no excuse.” But when you don’t know, you don’t have the guilt or the struggle to do what is right. Halloween is dark. It’s a holiday that celebrates death.  I’ve come face to face with someone truly oppressed by darkness, and it is an overwhelming experience that I don’t want to repeat or relive or pass on to my children.

So This Very Educated Mother Knows about Halloween. I know the history of the holiday.  I know the darkness that surrounds it. I know there are people who innocently play with things that seem innocent only to get sucked into an oppression they cannot climb out of alone.  I know there are real witches and followers of Wicca who do abominable things on this unholy day.  For them, it’s not a game.  It’s not pretend. It’s a real life demented sort of fun.

So how did I solve the problem of Halloween?

I’ll tell you what I did. I made a scarecrow with the family at the floral shop, and put him on the front porch (which scared the begeebers outta me every time I walked past it).  I planned an outing to the pumpkin farm – which got rained out.  I put out my fall leafy placemats and my plain pumpkin “treat dish.”  I updated my floral displays around the house and trimmed my mum. I didn’t buy candy, nor did I stock up on evangelistic pamphlets.  I had my kids close their eyes when we drove by some horrific neighborhood displays.  I taught my girls the truth about Halloween and answered their Why’s as best I could.  The town had advertised that Halloween activities were to take place between 3-8pm. I packed a picnic, took my kids, put them in the car at about 2:45 and exited my “festive” neighborhood.  In the weeks before, I had wrestled and prayed about what to do and I remembered that Chicago-land has a wonderful Christian attraction: The Billy Graham Museum.  I headed south to this haven.  I tried to linger there as long as physically possible for a four-year-old.  It was a wonderful experience.

When we walked in, we were greeted with an array of Christian art depicting various scenes from the life of Jesus.  Then we went into the rotunda of witnesses.  I couldn’t remember the stories of all the martyrs and the girls weren’t tuned into a history lesson anyway.  But everything slowed down when we entered the room of the cross.  Reading every verse on salvation and walking through a cross-shaped portal into a dark Tomb-like passage makes the entrance into the Heaven room spectacular.  The “hallelujah” chorus played and the girls still talk about the Heaven room.

The next day, the girls wanted to watch the Easter Video, which incidentally also plays the “hallelujah” chorus at the resurrection scene.

So I didn’t defeat Halloween. I re-invented it.   Our trip to the Billy Graham Museum glorified God and brought some of His Light into our life on the darkest holiday of the year.  We celebrated eternal life on the holiday that celebrates death. Any why not?  After all, Jesus came into the world to turn it upside down.

Alexis wanted to learn about germs and heart attacks.  After the twins absorbed Dr Fabian’s  explanation of the technicalities of the human heart,   the girls requested a video on germs.   Since last week was spent watching white blood cells devour viruses and bacteria, I decided another youtube video on bacteria was missing the mark.  I took it to the next level.

I went to worldvision.org and samaritanspurse.org to show the girls the people who suffer from germs.   We watched video after video of AIDS victims, poverty victims, earthquake victims, and malnutrition victims.

Alexis wants to send all her money to Haiti.  She wants to send toys to Africa. She want to send money to Russia.  Rachel wants to send part of her money to Haiti.  I have the feeling she wants to save the rest of her money for another need.

This afternoon Alexis decided she needed to learn all about “the gross stuff” (like human A&P)  so that she could be a doctor in Africa.   She decided she would go there when she was “older, like 10 years old. ”   You should have heard the questions Rachel was asking her about learning the language.  I joined in the objections, trying to determine how steadfast Alexis was in her ‘calling.’

This sensitivity to poverty is not new in Alexis.  There seems to be a stirring in her soul for the poor of the world.   It’s now time to start those missionary biographies and service projects for the poor.

1 box dromedary pound cake mix, prepared to pkg directions

3 tbsp Aldi brand Cappuccino Mocha drink mix

Powdered Sugar glaze

There you have it.

There’s also this elaborate version of the recipe from Southern Living, which I will post later.

1. Flower Girl dress – re-make for Anna’s
2. Flower girl dress – Bonnie
3. Lilac Satin “Fancy Nancy” dresses
4. Strawberry shorts
5. brown corduroy project
6 pink knit projects
7 bean bag abcs
8 throw pilllows for FR
9 sheer floral “Rachel’s garden” dresses
10 Tube light

In college I decided I was going to collect something, and I decided to collect sheep.  When I think about sheep, I conjure up this image of dozens of woolly animals headed in a single direction — toward pasture.   However, from what I’ve heard and read, I know that sheep don’t naturally head through gates.  They have to be trained and herded through the gate and they have to be trained in what to eat.  They bond with their shepherd and if they somehow get separated from the shepherd then they are in deep trouble.

Isaiah 53: 6 “All we, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way.”    Unless we listen to the Shepherd, we’re going to get into deep trouble.

I’m no farmer and no shepherd, but I do know that children are like lambs: easily led astray and wandering about looking for direction yet simultaneoulsy refusing any direction they might receive.

When you look at a child, or a set of children, and see that they are “so well behaved,” you have to know that the parents have been working their butts off from the beginning.  Raising wonderful children isn’t like stirring up a bowl of Jello Instant Pudding.  It takes way more than five minutes.   I knew from the time the twins were born that I had given birth to a couple of potentially rotten kids — because I knew they were included in the “all” of Isaiah 53:6 and Romans 3:23.  The twins are sinners.  So I waited for that sin nature to manifest itself.  Everything I did early on and everything I do today is training them — either toward rottenness or toward righteousness.  I’ve tried to be merciful and gracious and yet not make excuses for their behavior. Mostly, I’ve tried to be consistent.

Having clear expectations and definitions promotes consistency.  “Obedience is doing what you are told, when you are told.”   If I say, “Set the table,” and the girls keep playing, then they are not obeying.  They aren’t doing “what they were told when they were told.”   It sounds so condescending to explain it so simply.  Yet I find myself  repeating, “Set the table.”

The other half of consistency is having consequences.  Sit down with your spouse, come up with the family rules, and write them down with consequences.  If you disobey, defy, or show disrespect, I will redirect you.  I will discipline you.  I will put your toy in time out.  I will put you in time out.  I will ask you to rephrase or do-over.  I will bring you home.   It helps both parent and child to know ahead of time what will happen when something goes wrong.   When it’s written down, then the parents can refer to the list of rules/consequences and say, “Oh, Ok, I’m supposed to put you in time out for that, so off you go. I’ll set the timer.”   It’s even more powerful when the spouse who is away at work all day can come home and reinforce the same rules without questioning the consequences.  Having a united front is “oh-so-important.”

If you ignore the violation, you’re training that little lamb to ignore your voice and to listen to whatever voice s/he wants to follow.  Start now to train your children to hear that One Voice you want them to follow.

Alexis measured my sewing table with my 6″ hem gauge which also has centimeters.

A: 1, 2, 5, 12.

me: 12.  That’s centimeters.  5.  That’s inches.  So you see they are about equal.

A: 12 cemetaries long!

me: (rolling inthe floor laughing)

I’m sitting down to write this Very First Post, and I want to start off the series “right”.  I want to know what I’m going to write about for the next year and I want it to be logical.  But I’m not necessarily logical when I write.    I am the one for whom the original  “Cut and Paste” feature in Word Perfect 4.0 for DOS was created.  You see, when I write, I often end up needing to re-arrange my thoughts so that they flow logically from one to another.   I’m so glad that I was born in the era that computers completely made typewriters obsolete.  Otherwise, I’d be forever using scissors and tape to re-arrange my paragraphs and even my sentences.

Just as I want to “start this series of posts off on the right foot”, you are going to want to start your marriage, your family,  and your child-rearing adventures off on the right path.

First of all, I want to remind you that you started a family when you married your spouse.   Having a child in the mix doesn’t make you a family.  Saying “I do” makes a family.  There are “about a million” books on marriage and family.  I’m not going to write another one, so hear me out.  A family begins with love between two people — hopefully a love centered on God.  The amazing mysterious aura of love between two people grows deeper every day as they individually focus on God and communicate with Him and with each other.  When God brings a man and a woman together, a new family is started.  Start now to build up and strengthen your family.

One way to invest in your family is The Date Night.  As you bring children into the world, no matter how many there are and no matter how many pets they each end up with, and no matter how many jobs you have to hold down to make ends meet, it is important to continue to invest in your spouse.  It can happen so quickly, this deterioration of the spousal relationship.  Pretty soon, you look across the room and wonder how your room-mate is doing.  Set aside money in your budget and time on the calendar to “go out.”  Set up a babysitting trade-0ff with a neighbor, or move closer to your mother. Ask your boss for the night off a month or two in advance, and make plans, clip the coupons, find the gift card, or the date night will never happen.  Once children arrive in the family, going out gets more complicated, expensive, and tiresome.  BUT, Your children need to see Momma and Daddy leaving together for a couple of hours to be in love alone together.  That kind of spousal investment in front of the kids  pays out richly with happy, secure children.  Rob and I have been married for 12.5 years at the time of this writing, and we have had a monthly -ish date night — consistently.  Sure, we’ve missed a couple of months here and there and sometimes we’ve stayed in, but the priority of spending time together has not changed.   If you find that you and your spouse are busy in ministry or with work or school events every single night of the week, it’s time to re-evaluate and work together to find 2-3 nights per week to be at home and one night per month-ish for your Date.

Dates don’t have to be expensive. Here’s a list of a few of our favorites.

• build a fire and sip hot beverages while you talk.
• pick out a movie your spouse would like way more than you would.
• prepare a fancy dinner — use your “good dishes” and eat by candle light.
• string Christmas lights around to set a mood.
• Eat in a different room.
• buy some lotion.  I think you know what to do with that.
• take a walk through the park.
• go to the flower shop/greenhouse. Don’t buy anything.
• Photo date.
• scavenger hunt.
• The errand date.

My first job had me setting goals.  I worked for a sales company and I was the main receptionist.  I had to write out 5 goals every week.  I should have put down, 1-5. answer phone 6. talk to Maggie and Jill.  But I knew they wanted me to accomplish more than that, so every week I had to come up with someway to be productive. 1. answer phone, 2-5. mail samples.  Then the following week I had to say whether I’d done it or not.  It was a good growing process for me.

So, I’m here to report on 2009 and my goals for 2010.  Here is the 2009 List.  And below is a yes or a no as to whether I accomplished it or not.

1. no  2. yes 3. yes 4. yes 5. no 6. yes 7. no 8. no 9. yes 10. no 11. no 12. yes 13. no 14. yes 15. no

I scored 7/15 yeses.  But #5 doesn’t count as a real no because it was tied to number 4.

If you’re contemplating whether or not to write New Year’s Resolutions or goals, I would encourage you to at least write them down and post it on the wall near your work space.  At some point during the year (if you’re at all like me) you’ll find yourself wandering aimlessly around and you’ll say, “I’m supposed to be doing something. Not just wasting my time wandering around or browsing facebook or this blog.” So then you can look at your list and say, Oh yes, I totally did want to do that.  And maybe, just maybe you’ll start something.

For 2010, I would like to accomplish the following

1. Stay involved in a weekly Bible study or switch to a mentoring/accountability relationship.

2.  continue exercising 2x per week

3.  practice piano regularly so I can play for the wedding

4. investigate craft shows

5. continue to save 68% at the grocery store using sales and coupons.

6. replace kitchen/family room flooring

7. increase insulation in basement

8. veggie garden under power lines

9. Volunteer at my church with the Women’s Ministry

10.  incorporate chores as part of daily routine, so there’s less hassle when it’s time to do it.

11.  work on my tone. be happier.  Be something like a  “Julia Poppins”

12. do a better job planning monthly spending.  I’ve already budgeted how to spend the tax return.

13. Register children for kindergarten and closely monitor their “progress” once school starts so I can know whether or not to continue home schooling. (Will there really be any measurable difference accomplished in kindergarten??)

14. take pictures. plan outings. document.

15. Be consistent with Marriage Family Monday entries.  My goal is 2x per month.

Edited to add

16. New family room furniture.  preferably a pair of leather recliner from world market, and a leather sofa from someplace else…

I’m going to start a new series for the year called “Marriage and Family Mondays.” I’m doing it on Mondays because Rob is around to play with the children while I write. Titles will be “MFM:….” and tagged MFM.

I’m dedicating this series to my cousins and to my “other children” who were in our years of youth ministry.

I’m not claiming to have the corner on a perfect marriage and family. I’m simply going to share some thoughts which will hopefully provoke some of your own thoughts as you build your own family. I have several ideas for topics to discuss; and if you have ideas, I welcome them — whether you are my cousin or not. Please contact me.